A Chaotic Classroom…

OK, here we go! It’s been a while, and now it’s time to get back in the game. I hope you all have been checking out the awesome reviews coming out of Ronell’s blog at www.thecomicbookteacher.com.

As we get close to the end of the first semester, I’d like to start a conversation that might be fun for some of us that have some shady-types in our classrooms. The topic today: comic characters that you would not want to have in your class. Ronell and I will be shouting out ten, and in the end, we’d LOVE to hear which ones you would all like to add to the list! I’ll go first:

E: Batman: typical brooding rich-kid. Batman would not only have EVERY gadget to help him cheat on any exam, but Alfred would be there feeding him answers as well. The flames from the Batmobile would set my car on fire as well as burn some kids to a crisp. He would also be a sub-par hall-monitor; the only reason Batman is any good as a detective is because the Gotham Police Force is a joke! And that voice would bug the heck out of me…his cowl is just a current version of Holden Caulfield’s red hunting cap…brooding rich kid.

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R: Totally! It’s like “We get it, you witnessed your parents’ grisly death, thus forever changing the trajectory of your life, get over it!” I’m going to go with Professor Xavier. I would hate a kid reading my mind all of the time, especially towards the end of the year. Can you imagine a psychic student in this age of Gossip Girl and social media? On top of that, he’s kind of a know-it-all (how could he not be?), and I would find that insufferable. I don’t think he’d cheat on the exam, and somehow, I think that would bug me even more.

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E: I’ll keep it X-Men and say Wolverine. First of all, we just started to curb smoking in the bathrooms, and this guy is going to come in and stink up the second floor with cigar smoke!? I don’t think so. And zero tolerance prevents one knife…not to mention six attached-to-your-body ones. I have enough problems with kids carving stuff into the desks; ain’t nobody got time for “Logan loves Jean…” carved into every single desk. And he has waaaay too much life experience; talking ‘bout “When I was in the Civil War…” ‘Nuff said.

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R: Dude, you have to read Whedon and Cassaday’s Astonishing X-Men. Their Wolverine is…you just have to read it. My next pick is kind of an obvious one, but I’m going to go with Bruce Banner. There is nothing worse than a smart kid with something to prove, and Bruce has that in spades. And don’t even get me started on the impulse control! What kind of “brilliant” mind thinks it’s a good idea to zoom out into the middle of a testing site to save the life of a STRANGER, and then decide to use his flesh-and-blood-not-made-of-lead body to shield the STRANGER from the equivalent of a nuclear bomb? Oh, I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry, Bruce? Well, you wouldn’t like me after back to back meetings and no lunch break, so you wanna get nuts?! Let’s get nuts!

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E: Imagine if frustrated students could “Hulk out”!? Scary. What’s one thing we can’t stand as educators? Students questioning our lessons or methods. For this reason, I have to toss out The Riddler. Maaaaaaan, how miserable would it be to have The Riddler tossing out quizzes and questions left and right on and about your lessons? That guy would be in the hall every day. He’d be an AP kid though, and I can see his parents justifying his actions on the regular. Ugh, just thinking about it bugs me to no end. “Riddle me this, Mr. Kallenborn!”

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R: That would get old very quickly. I’m going go with Galactus for my next one. First, let me say Mr. Whitaker is not a fan of when people speak in the third person, nor do I care for people who speak in ominous declaratives. Can you imagine that? All period, he’s all “I hunger” this or “Galactus must feed” that. So I have to interrupt my other students’ learning because this kid can’t manage his blood sugar levels? Plus, what’s with him always hiring lackeys to do his scouting? I imagine him sending some poor kid to McDonald’s on a McNugget and Fruitopia run during Driver’s Ed.

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E: Third person sucks…and so does Fruitopia. Because it’s fun, I’ll stick to the super-heroes and say Tony Stark, especially before the Iron Man switch; he’s just another smart-ass millionaire playboy, not that I know a lot of them. Tony Stark not only knows more than you, but he also knows more than you. AND forget trying to get him to stop talking to all of the girls in the class! This smart-guy only has one thing on his mind, and it’s not proper use of the semi-colon. Arrogant, rich, and brilliant. He’s an outspoken, smarter version Batman, yikes!

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R: Good pick! I’ll go hero, too, and I’ll pick Reed Richards. The problem with Reed is he is so catastrophically wrong about everything all the time, yet he has the unfettered GALL to call himself Mr. Fantastic. I love a student who isn’t afraid to take risks, and occasionally fail while doing it. However, Reed’s risks always seem to harm others. Plus, he never seems to care about the harm to others as long as his precious science isn’t interrupted.

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E: My final pic is Storm. Dude, I have enough of an issue monitoring the weather in my classroom, and when I get it right, I do not want anyone or anything messing with it! And if she gets upset?! I don’t need tornadoes flying around my room…I hate tornado drills. However, it would be cool to have her around if the fire-alarm goes off during rain or snow. Long story short, weather ain’t nothing to play with; it’s one of the reasons I live where I do: no crazy weather phenomenon. Storm negates all of that!

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R: I hear you on that! My classroom was 59 degrees for a few days there. My final pick is Wally West/The Flash. Normally when I have a high energy student, I give them tasks to do like hand out papers, collect work, run passes to other teachers, etc. Ofteaguldin@argohs.netn, this. gives them a chance to focus some of that energy. Wally, tho? I can’t even fathom where he falls on the hyperactivity scale. Plus, he has crazy impulse control, and is always bored….you know what, never mind, that just sounds like 6th period after lunch.

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Hope you enjoyed this one, y’all! Please post comments, and let us know which comic characters you would dread having in your own classrooms. Good stuff coming next week…stay tuned!

Happy reading, everyone!

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